We said Goodbye today to a dearly loved and sadly missed husband, dad, granddad and brother.

A private, family celebration of his life took place at the chapel, Richardson Street Cemetery Carlisle, followed by a private burial.

A funeral tea was served afterwards at the Gatehouse café.

SERVICE OF CELEBRATION AND THANKSGIVING FOR JEFFREY STUART GRAHAM (JEFF)

Carlisle Cemetery Chapel at 1 pm, on Tuesday December 18^th, 2018, followed by a service at the grave-side

Funeral arrangements by Tracy Lazonby, Final Journey Funerals

A wonderful floral tribute to Jeff was lovingly made by Jacqui Gilligan (Jeff's younger daughter)

Celebrant: Benet Waterman

MUSIC: Elgar - Nimrod (Enigma Variations), Grimethorpe Colliery Brass Band

Bearers:

Jonathan Jeffrey Graham, son

Paul James, grandson

Matthew James, grandson

Kevin James, son-in-law

Paul Gilligan, son-in-law

Matthew Rodgers, granddaughter’s partner

WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION – Benet Waterman

Good afternoon – to all of you - and may I first of all welcome you to this your Service of Celebration and Thanksgiving for Jeff.

I count it a privilege to have met with you Joan, Julia, Jacqui and Jonathan to learn something about the kind of person Jeff was and the life you have shared … to have been asked to lead this service and be here with you now, allowed to share in some of your memories of him.

Life is such a very precious gift and you who are here today have come to celebrate and honour a life that is precious to you.

… so let us give thanks for Jeff,  and for all the times you have shared with him - the good you saw in him, and all that you received from him.

May you all be graced with strength and courage as you move forward in your lives.

Each and every one of you,

Joan, Jacqui, Julia and Jonathan  

together with Paul and Kevin, John and Ben, Emma, Paul and Matthew,

and Jeff’s sister Kate with those in her family,

will be facing this moment in time with so many different thoughts, memories, and feelings of love, of grief, of sadness and of respect.

... and to recognise and understand that at the beginning of this service should help us all to use this occasion to reflect on our personal beliefs and for you to consider your innermost feelings as you prepare to make your farewell to Jeff.

Boris too was part of Jeff’s life, he will also miss him.

May there be comfort and a peacefulness in our gathering together.

You will be held in thoughts of the man you have known and loved, and how Jeff lived – what mattered most to him most in his life and how he cared about you, his family – and you all know, without question, those things which gave meaning to his life,

…and so it is right and fitting that you should be at one with your feelings - but I do ask you to remember in this moment in time, the gladness and the happiness that Jeff experienced when his life was at its best because we are here to celebrate his life and to commemorate it with respect and joy and thankfulness… and this service is a celebration of his life.

It has been said that that which has been, the past with all its meaning, is safe and secure, for nothing we love is lost. Things and people - they always go away sooner or later. We can’t hold them, but if they’ve touched us, they are part of us, they are still ours. The only things we ever really have are those things we hold in our hearts, and the death of someone we love is like the death of part of us.

No-one else will ever call out from within us quite the same responses, actions, feelings or ideas and their death is an ending of one part of the story ..

…and as to Jeff’s story, he has left his own wonderful legacy of memories to you – and it is not for me to talk with you about those personal memories because the words, the experiences and all the images that go along with them are yours alone, for you to treasure in your own way and in your own time. Hold those memories fast and cherish them for all they mean to you.

… and so allow me to share in your personal thoughts and memories as you speak about the man you loved, and love still –

MEMORIES OF JEFF - the family

Julia James (daughter) - Tribute to Dad

MUSIC: Verdi - Prelude to Act 1 La Traviata

Jacqui Gilligan (daughter) - Tribute to Dad

MUSIC: Mascagni – Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana

Emma James (grand-daughter) - Tribute to Grandad

Take a few moments now to picture Jeff at his happiest and to see him as you would wish - remember him when his life was at its best and he was enjoying the moment and everything it brought.

May you all – each and every one of you – find rich treasures in your memories of him, and may you find peace in your hearts.

As you look back over Jeff’s life you can consider what you have received from him, what can be taken from that and continued in your own lives, and what must now be laid to rest. What is done is done, love is not altered by death and death takes away nothing that has happened.                                                                    

Your love and your friendship for him remind us all that when we share in one another's lives it brings both support and pain. When we are parted it brings home to us the importance and the significance of love and loving relationships in our lives, and an even closer awareness of the beauty and fragility of those relationships which offer grace and goodness to us.

… so let us be glad that it is your love and your kinship for Jeff that draws you together today – and although your lives can never be the same without him, he will live on in your hearts and in your minds. Take comfort from each other. Talk about him often. Allow yourselves to laugh and enjoy the very many happy memories he has gifted you.

and in the words of the Poem “He is Gone” by David Harkins

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and wish that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what Jeff would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

We will leave the Chapel now as we make our way to the place where Jeff’s body will be laid to rest.

MUSIC: Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world

SERVICE AT THE GRAVESIDE

As we gather together in the quiet of this place, take just a few moments again to picture Jeff at his happiest, when his life really was at its best and he was enjoying the moment and everything it brought – cherish those memories of him and hold them fast in your hearts.

 …and so it is now, tenderly and with reverence, that we commit Jeff’s body to the ground - 

We have but a short time to live, like a flower we blossom and then wither. Like a shadow we flee and never stay, and in the midst of life we are in death. We are grateful for the life that Jeff has lived and for all that his life means to you who know and love him. We are glad that you saw his smile, heard his laughter and felt the touch of his hand.

Our days are like the grass, we flourish like a flower in the field, and when the wind blows over it, it is gone and the place where it was is no more.   

May you cherish your memories of his words, the things he did and his character. May you cherish his friendship and, most of all, may you cherish his love.

and for Jeff 

May peace surround you.

May light shine within you  and continue to guide you on your way.

May your soul be held in love now that you have reached that place, and may you have felt deep joy in having passed this way. 

Jeff you have been, and you are, very dearly loved, and that love will continue to surround you at all times and in all places.

Let all be well.  Let all be well.

We close with words taken from a poem written by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand in this place and weep,
I am not here, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand in this place and weep,
I am not here, I do not sleep.

I give you now this time to make your own farewell. May you leave this place with love and with peace in your hearts. 

Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world